Still I Rise
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust,…
Life may have been like a roller coaster, more like a scary maze but let me tell you something: with everything that has happened to me, achieving my goals wasn’t something I was going to leave on the side. I grew up knowing the ins and outs of child tax credits, housing benefits, and Sure Start vouchers, and though I am blessed to live in a country that supports the less fortunate. I was not going to re write history, I did not want that to be my bondage in my adult life. So, growing up, I participated in activities that would set me apart, I started working from the age of 14 and I really pushed myself in education. And the other reason, why I had this mentality? You see me, mi like to eat and I cannot be caught crying because mi cyaant eat like the big back Gyal that I am, noo siiir.
So let’s go back 10 years: here’s a little timeline of my success and my downfalls starting from the year I was raped. Grab a malt or a ginger beer (now if you don’t drink any of these, you are on the wrong blog) and a blanket for this, this may be long. However, it will give you clarity in my future blogs because we can tap back into the timeline and be like ‘ohhh, yeah that makes sense’. So see this as assistance in navigating through my crazy life.
P.s I might just drop some bombs as we go through the timeline. As in not a real bomb (I beg I don’t want no one at my door). I mean significant events that happened to me which I then move on from it like nothing happened or I may make it sound humorous. You can pause and take it in but you are also allowed to laugh (who will see?). I do this because it’s my coping mechanism, it’s not to offend anyone but laughing at my own situation/ putting things aside has helped me cope through life. I am still learning how to process things.
Right, let’s gooo.
2014 Age 15
September
– Final year of secondary school, I had already obtained 2 GCSEs at grade B. I started secondary in set 3 for most subjects, but I grafted and worked my way up into sets 1 and 2. I was predicted a few C’s and B’s, and I wasn’t happy with the predictions because I wanted to be that kid that got the best grades regardless of my home situation.
– I was living between my aunt, who was traveling to Ghana for her business most of the time, so FREE yard (YAY, no family headache), my best friend Ebunoluwa, and the odd days with my mum. My mother and I had our good days, I won’t lie, but a few years after her remarrying, our fragmented relationship was really not in any shape in making a recovery, especially when I realised who she would protect.
-Back then I knew I had a voice; well, anyone who knows me can tell you when I have something to say, I have something to say! I always viewed myself as making an impact in this world, but back in 2014, I had no navigation. I just knew that my social anxiety wasn’t going to help me in the future, so I ran for Young Mayor in 2013. I didn’t win. I wasn’t expecting to, to be honest. If you watch my campaign video, well, if you find it, please don’t tell me it still cringes me up to now. Anyway, I got to raise money for Great Ormond Street Hospital, and I was a part of the Youth Council for a year. It was the skills that I learned and being able to throw myself out there and network with others that I really wanted to achieve, and I did. Up till now I keep in contact with the friends that I made during my time there.
31st October
– I attended an award ceremony where I was awarded a BTEC Level 2 Peer Mentoring and Education certificate. The programme was called Young Leaders For Safer Cities (YLFSC) by Voyage Youth & Metropolitan Black Police Force. If you don’t know about them, then go and do your research. I’ll be nice and give you a BTEC explanation (you see what I did there…classic). Voyage Youth is a charity aimed at empowering young Black people and reducing racial inequalities within London. Now, if you went to my school, you would know that we weren’t ‘correct’ individuals; some neurons didn’t make the cut for some people. However, in saying that, I think my year group was one of the sane ones back then. So basically, my secondary school put the Black kids, some who they flagged as maybe being a disruption to society, mixed with a few good Black kids into the programme. Which one was I? Both, I would like to say, but I’ll let you piece that puzzle. This programme actually helped me later on in life; it helped me to stand up for myself and my rights in situations which I will leave for another blog.
1st November
– Got Raped.
Ending November/December
– My mother is pregnant carrying my sweet younger brother.
2015 Age 16
February/March
– Me and my not-so-mentally-stable self met someone, got pregnant, and had an abortion, which I then went on to have a phantom pregnancy. My attendance at school was below 70 or 60%, I think, and my grades weren’t improving; I know some may have been more concerned about the pregnancy. I was, but I also knew the grades weren’t going to be achieved by themselves either, so I got a reality slap from my tutor and grafted.
18th August (I think)
– Results day, admitted at hospital someone tried to drug me, had a fit. Anyways I got my results and I got…
– A* in ICT
– A in Child development
– A in Sociology
– A in English Literature
– B/B in combined Science
– B in Maths 1 mark away from an A so if you have ever asked me about my math’s grade I WILL ALWAYS say ‘A’ with my CHEST!
– B in Philosophy and Ethics
– C in English Language- But guys our English teacher did us all dirty, I don’t think many from top set got A*/A the majority were C’s, imagine. I heard she was never allowed to teach top set again.
– C in French- This is a language you can’t make me learn, so applaud me. Because, I am sorry this language just creates spit in my mouth whenever I try. ‘ Ta tant, To Tant, tant tant tant’. I respect anyone that can speak French, I just think God said to me, ” You my child, sit this one out’ and I did.
June to August
– I partied literally everyday, I had the best summer of my life. You had to be there to understand when I mean the world is your oyster, it literally was mine. Some may have called me a street rat, my response to that is can you afford to even party like that now? nope. You step out £100 gone already. Anyways, my Zip card and I travelled across the whole of London with just enough money to get me chicken and chips and a KA black grape.
My little brother is here now, he didn’t like me for the 1st 7months of his life because I was never at home and I avoided him because he brought memories of guilt.
September
– YAY! I’ve made it into to sixth form. I am studying Psychology, Sociology and English Literature.
2016 Age 17
June/July
– Used my student bursary to go on my first trip to Portugal by coach, loved it!
Came back, family and I got evicted for the 3rd time, twice for arrears, WONDERFUL.
August
– Got a B-U-D in my A 1 and kicked off all 3 A levels.
September
– Stayed at the same sixth form and switched to BTEC level 3 Health and Social care. I was living at my other best friend’s house but then had to move to my ex neighbours sofa away from my family.
October
– I got a job at Mcdonald’s whilst studying and living on a sofa. At this point my family and I are living separate.
2017 Age 18
January to April
-I got a Jack Petchy award
May
– Family and I got a place in London and moved, I was happy to go because I had heard the killing of a young boy whilst living with my auntie, it shook me up.
November
– I left Mcdonald’s that place was the ghetto, then went to work at Sainsbury’s and cleaned Hackney Library in the early mornings whilst in full time education.
2018 Age 19
August
– Got a D*D*D in Health and Social care and got a place in Midwifery at Kings college London. I was one of the 1st students or one of the very few from my sixth form to study midwifery at that university. Let me not forget the rest of my classmates because we all did exceptionally well 3 of us went to Kings, one went on to study Child Nursing and is currently a band 6, one went to study ODP and became a band 7 at the age of 21. This is what we call black EXCELLENCE #PERIODt!
September
– Secretly got my driving licence.
December
– Paid for my mum, sister and my little brother to go Ghana. Well actually student finance paid, which I know pay them back. My mother hadn’t gone back since I was a child before we were 1st evicted. Thought I would be very thoughtful and demure to let them go and chop fufu not from the packet.
2019 Age 20
June
– A Man was killed in front of me on my way to placement, 3 days before a young boy was stabbed in front of me. My PTSD really went off the rails so decided to move to halls next academic year and started going to therapy for the first time for EVERYTHING.
2020 Age 21
September
– Moved back home, my relationship with my mother was better, I had lost weight my mental health was better. I was like fine girl, no pimples.
December
– Worst decision made, regretted it. Started pulling out my hair. Now big girl, no pimples.
2021 Age 22
April
– Shaved off all my hair I couldn’t do it anymore, my mental health was buried 7ft in the ground.
September
– Finished University and took a break. Needed to breathe actual air and not amniotic fluid.
2022 Age 23
February
– Started practicing as a Midwife.
August
– Graduated with a 2:1
2023 Age 24
July
– Competed in a sports competition called Turf games. At this point I could deadlift 120kg, shoulder press 50kg, flip 180kg tyres and run at MY pace for 45 minutes now that’s an achievement for an OBOLO TUI( means fat person in Twi).
October
– Got a hair transplant because them edges refused to make an appearance, well why would they if I pulled them out.
– God found me. Now don’t go thinking I became the mini version of Jesus because I know how you social media warriors be like.
2024 Age 25
January
– Went back to Ghana, after I said I wouldn’t 13 years ago.
March
– Was met with health attacks left, right, centre, broooooooo. Everywhere it was like the enemies wanted to lock off my breath. My family situation was getting to the point where being physical with my mother was becoming realistic. We will touch upon my dad soon don’t worry.
April
– God’s timing is his timing. Got a call with a place and moved out the next week.
1st November
– Launched MY BLOG.
THE END!
LOL, you thought.
Sorry, we are just getting started
&
I guess if you read this far you might as well stick around and get to know me and understand my actions.
So, I will see you at a another day for another blog xx
Stay blessed xx
...I’ll rise.
By Maya Angelou
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